It is always wise to heal and get your baggage sorted before getting yourself a family or a spouse.. Most times the spouse can walk away.. The kids though.. They suffer.. The probability of the cycle being repeated is very high..
An abusive spouse brings up kids in extreme fear of that gender. If they don’t suffer emotionally, they suffer physically. This doesn’t simply go away. It requires years and years of therapy that probably the offspring can’t afford.
“Abusive parents have inappropriate expectations of their children, with a reversal of dependence needs. Parents treat an abused child as if the child were older than the parents. A parent often turns to the child for reassurance, nurturing, comfort, and protection and expects a loving response.”
― Benjamin James Sadockv
A family set up should be a safe haven. For the spouse, for kids. It’s not where parents push their kids to achieve dreams that they failed at.. Not somewhere one person insults the other to have their self esteem raised.. Not somewhere kids hustle hard to feed their siblings.. A family shouldn’t be a battlefield.. Support should come from a family; emotional, spiritual and if possible financial..
This can only happen if we take time to heal ourselves.. That way, we can’t over shield our kids because we weren’t loved enough, that way our esteem is in check; we don’t have to raise it by insulting or heating others. We won’t have to push our kids to achieve the dreams we failed at.. We won’t view every man as abusive as our father was.. or as condescending as our mother was. That way we won’t view every guy as a cheat and every woman as a gold digger..
So much can be controlled if we heal ourselves. Then our future generation can definitely be free. Forgive them that caused you pain and forgive yourself. Stay safe.
”The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.”
― Marianne Williamson